


He Prays for You

by kanoitrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, post 15x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanoitrace/pseuds/kanoitrace
Summary: “You’re going to have to talk to him eventually.”“He is still waiting.”“He prays for you, you know.”Even once Dean arrives in Heaven, Castiel is afraid to show himself, afraid of what Dean will or won't say to him. It takes time and a lot of prodding from Jack to convince him to finally approach Dean.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 24
Kudos: 283





	He Prays for You

**Author's Note:**

> What fucking year it is that I'm here writing Destiel fix-it fic!? Good grief!
> 
> Anyway, no beta, we die like men. Which at this point means on rusty rebar? Who even knows, man. Who even knows.

“You’re going to have to talk to him eventually.”

Cas doesn’t looked at Jack, doesn’t want to see the mix of hope and positivity there devoid of any judgement or pity. For having become the new equivalent of God, Jack is still so very naive about so many things.

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me, Jack.”

“Cas -”

“He has everyone he loves here.” Castiel does not says _everyone else he loves_ , though neither does he add on _he doesn’t need me_. Honestly, he isn’t sure of the truth behind either of those statements, not anymore. He knows he is being a coward, that he dropped all his feelings at Dean’s feet and then vanished, presumably to never be seen or heard from again. There had been an assurance, a comfort, in that. Having to face the consequences of his choices had never been a consideration, and even after Jack pulled him back, he was supposed to have more time.

Granted, all of eternity would perhaps not even have been enough time.

“You built all this for him,” Jack mumbles quietly, almost petulantly, like a scolded child. Well, the boy is only technically three, after all. Castiel supposes he can forgive him that. Besides, for all the eons Castiel has lived himself, it’s not precisely like he’s learned how to act properly mature.

“I just need a little longer, Jack,” he says, and the air around them shifts ever so slightly, a signal of Jack’s acceptance of Castiel’s words, even if he doesn’t truly understand the reasoning behind them.

-

As Dean drives, Castiel watches. He does other things, of course - there is at least an eternity’s worth of responsibilities that have fallen into his lap - being the father-figure to the new god will do that to an angel - but as Bobby told Dean, time is different here. So Cas splits his time between watching Dean, helping Jack manage the universe, and even watching over Sam. Castiel could find it unfair, dig up some bitterness in his heart that while he sacrificed his life to save Dean, it is Sam that gets to live out a life. However, if he is honest with himself, he isn’t sure just how far his selflessness extends, if he could bare to watch Dean live out a life with someone else, a life without him. He’d done it once before, and look what it led to. He tries to not take these thoughts and feelings out to examine them often, but it does happen. It is in these moments that he runs from it all, even Jack, who somewhere along the line learned to not question it. He may have even learned to understand it, though Castiel can never be sure if his human experience was enough to impart that kind of knowledge onto the boy. Though he supposes it is possible that Jack asked his mother - he will always smile at the knowledge that those meetings get to happen with at much frequency as those two desire.

-

Even once Sam arrives in Heaven, Castiel does not appear to Dean - to either of them. However, Dean still does not settle, he continues to still drive more frequently than not.

“He is still waiting,” Jack tells him once.

Castiel does not ask on what, at this point he surely knows, but it has somehow become harder to approach him than easier.

-

“What are you waiting for?” Kelly asks him once when he is visiting her. She remains in her garden more than she ventures out of it, though she does have loved ones here, has access to them.

“I don’t know,” he confesses. He finds her the easiest to speak to, for she, after all, has the least connection to the Winchesters out of anyone else in his life. Kelly was always more his friend than Sam or Dean’s, perhaps the only person for whom that was true.

-

One day, out of the blue, Jack says, “I can tell you how he feels, if that would help.”

Cas tries not to show just how much that statement, and the abruptness of it, startles him. “What?”

“Dean,” Jack clarifies, as if that’s the part that has tripped Cas up. “I can read his emotions now, maybe even his mind, if I want to.”

“No,” Cas says firmly. He won’t hear anymore of that from Jack - it’s too close to the blatant disregard Chuck had for them all, and Castiel will not see his own son fall to similar temptations.

Jack, at least, seems adequately chastened. “I just thought maybe if would help you.”

At this, Castiel softens and places a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “And while I appreciate the thought, that isn’t a road you should go down.”

Jack gives him a small half-smile at the concern.

Castiel almost thinks the conversation over until, so quietly he almost doesn’t hear it, as though Jack is afraid of the response it will garner, Jack says, “He prays for you, you know.”

-

Castiel chews on this information for a time. He’s considered asking Jack what it is, exactly, that Dean asks for in his prayers, but that seems like a breach of privacy. After all, Dean is praying to Jack, not to Cas. If Dean wanted Cas to know what was on his mind, he’d just be praying to him.

Wouldn’t he?

So Castiel ruminates, but perhaps not for as long as he ought to. Certainly not as long as he has been thinking about and avoiding Dean up to this point.

Despite the fact that most all of Dean’s loved ones are here and available to him, it isn’t hard to find a moment when Dean is on his own. Honestly, Cas wishes it had been harder.

He can see the way Dean’s shoulders tense at the tell-tale sound of Castiel’s wings announcing his arrival before he can announce it himself. However, Dean doesn’t turn to him, just keeps his back to Cas, shoulders tight, barely even breathing.

Finally, Castiel breaks the silence with a simple, “Hello, Dean”

It’s a moment more before Dean actively acknowledges him, long enough that Castiel begins to doubt whether or not he should have done this at all to begin with.

Dean doesn’t turn around, but he does say, “Took you long enough.”

“I was unsure if you’d want to see me,” he admits, trying to keep his voice as level as possible.

Dean only rewards him with a scoffing huff of breath.

They stand in silence, and things shouldn’t be allowed to be this awkward in Heaven. Of course, Cas isn’t sure why he thinks that - he’s had plenty of awkward moments in Heaven before, both pre-Winchester and post.

He doesn’t want to bring it up, had tried to convince himself he wasn’t going to before he came down here, but as it was, after all, the catalyst for this, Castiel eventually breaks the silence by saying, “You didn’t pray to me.” It comes out much more accusatory than he means for it to, less accusatory than he feels about it, but more than he intended to let on.

At this, Dean finally turns around to face him, face awash in disbelief and irritation and maybe some sort of desperation. “That’s what - Are you freaking - Jesus, Cas! It’s not like you exactly acted like you wanted me to!”

Cas can feels his hackles rising, but he does his best to keep the situation from escalating. This is, after all, part of what he didn’t want to happen. “I was unsure if you would want to see me,” he admits.

Dean laughs humorlessly before dragging his hand down his face. “Fuck, Cas. What the hell?”

“I - I told you,” Cas struggles for words, not wanting this encounter to devolve any further than it already has, “that.” He waves his hands vaguely, as though the motion can encapsulate the entirety of his confession, his feelings for this man before him.

Dean fixes him with a heavy look - not stern, not frustrated, just heavy, meaningful - a look that tells Cas it’s his turn to just fucking listen this time. “Yeah, you did,” Dean says, “and then you just vanished. Died. I thought that was it, the last time I was every going to see you, and you pull that. And then Jack left too, and then…” He trails off for a moment, though Cas is sure he is about to mention his own death. He doesn’t, of course, instead skipping ahead to, “And then I’m here, and Bobby makes some vague ass comment about you helping Jack upgrade this place, but you’re nowhere to be seen. Instead, the fucking car is, which don’t get me wrong, I love that car, but - “

It’s here that Castiel’s heart lurches, catapulting itself up into his throat.

For his part, Dean seems to flounder for a moment over his words. It’s small, barely noticeable, but Castiel has watched this man for so long, loved him for so long, that to him it’s the loudest moment they’ve had so far.

“Damn it, Cas, a car ain’t you!”

“Dean….”

“You can’t just - You can’t just say all that to a guy and then go die. Or disappear. I just - Cas, I’m so fucking tired of you leaving me behind because you think you know what’s best!”

And Castiel wants to argue, but how can he? How many times has he run from Dean when Dean so clearly was reaching for him. To Castiel, somehow, running had become the de facto answer.

“Dean -”

He’s cut off by Dean’s arms around him, Dean’s face buried in the space between his neck and shoulder. Slowly, carefully, nervously, Castiel raises his arms to stiffly return the hug.

“You gotta stop doing this to me, man,” Dean all but whispers into Castiel’s skin.

Castiel’s arms tighten around Dean, almost without his permission or say-so. “I apologize.”

And then Dean is pulling away and Castiel’s heart sinks and then flips back up into his throat again in the space of time it takes for Dean to pull back and place his hands on either side of Castiel’s face, to stare into his eyes.

“Cas, you gotta know - Shit, Cas, I’m no good at this, but - but you gotta know it isn’t just you.”

Castiel searches Dean’s eyes. “I don’t understand,” he says, because while he thinks maybe he does, wants to believe he does, he’s also so incredibly terrified to let himself hope.

Dean gives a small smile, but it’s no less heart-wrenchingly beautiful for the size of it. “You’re really gonna make me say it, huh? Well, I guess that’s fair.” He presses his forehead to Castiel’s own, eyes closing for a moment as he inhales before he looks once more into Cas’s eyes.

“I love you, too, Cas. It -” Dean swallows, looking terrified himself, but also open, vulnerable, hopeful. “It doesn’t have to be something you can’t have, ya know, if you still want it.”

Castiel kisses him. It isn’t particularly long, but there is passion there, and it’s enough time for Dean’s hands to move from Cas’s face to the back of his head, for Dean’s fingers to card through Cas’s hair as he returns the kiss.

When they break apart, Cas says, “I still want it.” It isn’t a soft declaration; if anything, it sounds far more authoritative, like the Castiel of old, the one who was resolute in his mission, whether it be on behalf of Heaven, free will, or the Winchesters themselves. It also earns him a laugh from Dean, who continues to lean into him, hands clutching like he never intends to let go, which is fine by Cas.

“Good,” Dean says, once his laughter is under control, “because Heaven or not, this place was kind of going to suck if you didn’t.”


End file.
